Babaar Goes Berzerk
Michelle's version...
Why didn’t Bob just fork over the extra ten dollars a night for the chalet? That was my first thought the night that Babaar decided to terrorize my tent. Babaar was the insane elephant that turned our campsite into a giant food trough/toilet. My tent mate in Kafue (and house mate every other day of the week) Tyronza and I, were peacefully sleeping until around 1:30 am I woke to the sound of a herd of elephants walking about three feet from my head. It was LOUD.
I lay terrified as the herd went through our ten dollar a night cheaper ‘bush camp’. About one hour later, after the herd had passed, one angry straggler was left behind. Babaar was making such horrific noises that I became confused as to what was out there. I was scared. Tyronza didn’t seem to mind until the beast crashed into the side of the tent she which she was sleeping on. She immediately woke but did not know why. I was relieved to not be going through this alone anymore. I immediately informed her that something very large was trying to bring down our tent. To verify my statement, the beast crashed into the side of the tent again. Our tent was shaking and Babaar was grunting. It was horrifying. The windows were rolled down in our tent from the outside so there was no way for us to tell what was trying to come in. I was convinced the beast was still one or two disgruntled elephants left behind from the herd. I was trying to calm Ty with this information. Unfortunately, she was charged by an elephant earlier in the day and took no comfort in my explanation.
Then the hippos arrived. We heard the unmistakable sound of hippos talking or fighting for territory very near our tent. Hippos are incredibly aggressive and territorial animals. The lodge we were staying at had to block off all walkways leading from the river because one hippo decided he wanted to make the bar his territory. We were about 8 feet from the crocodile and hippo infested waters so their presence was not a surprise. However, we were now convinced that what was crashing into our tent and storming around our campsite was a pair of angry hippos, and one of them was giving birth. No, we were not intoxicated in any matter. I once witnessed the birth of a cow on my grandfather’s farm in my early teens. Two things I remember from that: 1. the sight of my cousin Kevin stuffed halfway inside a cow trying to pull a calf out and 2. The disgusting sound the afterbirth made. While the cow birth was a relatively quick incident, the hippo birth seemed to be lasting much longer.
The poor female hippo was grunting and eliminating the foulest of excrement. The male hippo, who was protecting her, stormed angrily around our tent waiting to kill anything that it saw or heard. Ty and I immediately formed a survival plan. First, drop to the floor or the tent. Second, pull both mattresses over the top of us. Third, pray. I couldn’t help but laugh uncontrollably. The situation was so absurd it was funny and I was too nervous to stop. Tyronza did not appreciate this at all which made me laugh even harder. Tyronza, being very practical as she always is, starts asking me every hippo question she can think of… What is the gestation period? How long do hippo births last? When will anyone know we are trapped in here? Why are we staying in the bush camp? I, stupidly, was worried about Bob. I kept thinking that we were the only ones who knew of the disaster looming outside. I was sure Bob would stumble out of the tent to go to the bathroom and be eaten by the angry male bull protecting its new arrival.
We laid awake in fear listening to the most disturbing sounds known to man for the next four hours. Then the sun came up. We were brave enough to peak out of our tent door at this point. What I saw turned my world upside down. Lying on our porch (at least the front legs and trunk) was the largest elephant I have ever seen. Considering I saw few thousand the week before, this was impressive. We were relieved not to be faced with the most vicious man killer in Africa. Yes, it’s the hippo not the lion or hyena. However, we were still trapped. I’m not sure if it was the adrenaline or what but I could no longer hold my bladder. This was surprising after years of training myself to hold it. My mother is still convinced that I’ve ruined my kidneys. Anyhow, as I’m constructing my make shift toilet and Tyronza is writing her list of suggestions for the non-existent suggestion box at the lodge (something about each tent having a toilet and a walkie talkie) I hear a car pull up. Great to be saved, but not so great it happens at the moment I’m peeing into my raincoat lined clothes hamper. I heard Bob’s voice say ‘My wife is in that tent’ and then I heard the sound of an engine driving away (Aahhh, my night in shining armor). Not exactly the fairy tale ending. We were crushed (not literally, at least not yet). Eventually, the elephant got up and left.
We crawled out of our tent to view the destruction. What sounded like the herd of elephants was actually the gigantic tree in between our tents being pushed over onto Bob’s tent by the crazed elephant. The birthing noise was the sound of 700 pounds of grasses and leaves that an elephant consumes every day, returning to the earth. The other sounds were gases from the elephant. Apparently, when the elephant lies down the weight of its body puts tremendous pressure on all the other organs, hence, extreme gas. The huffing and puffing of the over protective male hippo was actually the elephant trying to keep insects out of its trunk. It is amazing what your mind comes up with in periods of high stress. More amazing, is what this elephant did to our campsite. I will never look at them the same again. I immediately bought some Ivory. Kidding…That is cruel and I dislike and disapprove of anyone who wears it.
Bob's version...
I had to pat myself on the back just a little. This was a well organized trip. Over a couple weeks we saw Victoria Falls while staying in modest accommodations in Livingstone. In the week ahead we would stay in comfortable lodging on the beaches of Zanzibar. In Kafue we got to see wildlife up close while sleeping amongst the deep roar of lions off in the distance. And we managed to do it all rather cheaply.
It’s considered tent camping but it’s equipped with normal twin beds, a night stand and a little rug. There were mosquito coils, water delivered and someone comes to turn down the sheets before bed. Not something that I normally would ask for but nice. Just outside the tent is a private fire pit, which was already started when we returned from dinner on the night of December 23rd. We sat by the fire a little while and saw more stars in the sky than any of us had ever noticed before. But after a short time, we decided to head into the tents.
“Hey Bob, there’s an elephant outside the tent”. Not words that I ever wanted to be woken up to at 1:30 am. And by outside the tent, Kevin meant literally a few feet from his head. I coincidentally watched Jurassic Park a few days prior and each step sounded like a Hollywood sound effect. There were twigs and small branches breaking under the elephants feet and even more branches were being torn from a tree. I could hear the elephant’s trunk grabbing at branches and then the tree would snap back into place. In the most heterosexual way possible, I told Kevin he should probably come over to my bed. In hindsight it sounds funny, but the elephant was just a few steps from trampling our tent.
Then there was a crashing noise just outside the tent. We could tell that a big tree had just fallen and could only assume that it was the work of our new "friend". It was so dark that we couldn’t see what was going on for sure but the crashing noise confirmed the size of this thing. Neither of us wanted to look out at the beast and there was no chance of us shining a flashlight on it. So the waiting game began. I started to feel cold, a little scared, but at the same time wanted to laugh. The elephant just wanted to go to the bathroom. (This is where it gets a little disgusting but bear with me.) It was the deepest farting noise you’ve ever heard. And when the …stuff hit the ground, I swear we could feel it. It was that heavy. By now it is about 2:30am
There were two visible lights. One was from Michelle and Ty’s tent. It was eerily blocked for seconds at a time by Babaar (which Michelle has since named him). The other faint light was coming from the campfire directly in front of our tent, but it was obscured. It was now covered by the tree that had fallen. If a 6 ton elephant isn’t bad enough, throw a burning tree into the equation. We hadn’t heard anything for a short time and thought we should see about leaving the tent to remove the tree from the fire…and to go to the bathroom ourselves. We didn’t venture far and it was a good thing. Through the darkness we both saw how big the elephant really was. Kevin also witnessed my cat-like reflexes as I shoved my way back into the tent first.
The pooping eventually stopped but the farting continued. We sat awake for approximately two more hours listening to what sounded like labored breathing. We were both fairly certain that it was asleep but figured it was standing (elephants sleep standing up right? No). We got our first real glimpse when the sun started to come up around 5:30am. It was laying down, passed out. We had a good glimpse at its hind side while its head must have been just at the entrance to Michelle’s tent. Knowing that it was laying down gave us new confidence. We got up and took some pictures and thought we should head back to the main lodge.
We jumped in a safari vehicle with one of the guides and headed back for the tents. When we arrived the elephant was standing right next to Michelle’s tent. As it enjoyed breakfast we could see how big it really was. The branches being pulled down were far from the ground…it’s hard to guess what the trunk-span is on an animal like that.
It was "head and shoulders" taller than the lip of the thatched roof, which we barely had to duck under to enter the tent. We pointed out the tent that Michelle was in but there wasn’t any thing else we could do. With the vehicle there, we were blocking it’s way back into the park (the other option was into the river). When we finally made it back to the site at 7am the elephant was gone but it had left its mark. The extent of the mess can't be described. We could see where its feet left an indentation in the ground as it gathered leverage to push the tree over. We found Michelle and Ty safe and sound...but a little upset with us. They'd been awake for the whole night but uniquely had a different take on the event.
Why didn’t Bob just fork over the extra ten dollars a night for the chalet? That was my first thought the night that Babaar decided to terrorize my tent. Babaar was the insane elephant that turned our campsite into a giant food trough/toilet. My tent mate in Kafue (and house mate every other day of the week) Tyronza and I, were peacefully sleeping until around 1:30 am I woke to the sound of a herd of elephants walking about three feet from my head. It was LOUD.
I lay terrified as the herd went through our ten dollar a night cheaper ‘bush camp’. About one hour later, after the herd had passed, one angry straggler was left behind. Babaar was making such horrific noises that I became confused as to what was out there. I was scared. Tyronza didn’t seem to mind until the beast crashed into the side of the tent she which she was sleeping on. She immediately woke but did not know why. I was relieved to not be going through this alone anymore. I immediately informed her that something very large was trying to bring down our tent. To verify my statement, the beast crashed into the side of the tent again. Our tent was shaking and Babaar was grunting. It was horrifying. The windows were rolled down in our tent from the outside so there was no way for us to tell what was trying to come in. I was convinced the beast was still one or two disgruntled elephants left behind from the herd. I was trying to calm Ty with this information. Unfortunately, she was charged by an elephant earlier in the day and took no comfort in my explanation.
Then the hippos arrived. We heard the unmistakable sound of hippos talking or fighting for territory very near our tent. Hippos are incredibly aggressive and territorial animals. The lodge we were staying at had to block off all walkways leading from the river because one hippo decided he wanted to make the bar his territory. We were about 8 feet from the crocodile and hippo infested waters so their presence was not a surprise. However, we were now convinced that what was crashing into our tent and storming around our campsite was a pair of angry hippos, and one of them was giving birth. No, we were not intoxicated in any matter. I once witnessed the birth of a cow on my grandfather’s farm in my early teens. Two things I remember from that: 1. the sight of my cousin Kevin stuffed halfway inside a cow trying to pull a calf out and 2. The disgusting sound the afterbirth made. While the cow birth was a relatively quick incident, the hippo birth seemed to be lasting much longer.
The poor female hippo was grunting and eliminating the foulest of excrement. The male hippo, who was protecting her, stormed angrily around our tent waiting to kill anything that it saw or heard. Ty and I immediately formed a survival plan. First, drop to the floor or the tent. Second, pull both mattresses over the top of us. Third, pray. I couldn’t help but laugh uncontrollably. The situation was so absurd it was funny and I was too nervous to stop. Tyronza did not appreciate this at all which made me laugh even harder. Tyronza, being very practical as she always is, starts asking me every hippo question she can think of… What is the gestation period? How long do hippo births last? When will anyone know we are trapped in here? Why are we staying in the bush camp? I, stupidly, was worried about Bob. I kept thinking that we were the only ones who knew of the disaster looming outside. I was sure Bob would stumble out of the tent to go to the bathroom and be eaten by the angry male bull protecting its new arrival.
We laid awake in fear listening to the most disturbing sounds known to man for the next four hours. Then the sun came up. We were brave enough to peak out of our tent door at this point. What I saw turned my world upside down. Lying on our porch (at least the front legs and trunk) was the largest elephant I have ever seen. Considering I saw few thousand the week before, this was impressive. We were relieved not to be faced with the most vicious man killer in Africa. Yes, it’s the hippo not the lion or hyena. However, we were still trapped. I’m not sure if it was the adrenaline or what but I could no longer hold my bladder. This was surprising after years of training myself to hold it. My mother is still convinced that I’ve ruined my kidneys. Anyhow, as I’m constructing my make shift toilet and Tyronza is writing her list of suggestions for the non-existent suggestion box at the lodge (something about each tent having a toilet and a walkie talkie) I hear a car pull up. Great to be saved, but not so great it happens at the moment I’m peeing into my raincoat lined clothes hamper. I heard Bob’s voice say ‘My wife is in that tent’ and then I heard the sound of an engine driving away (Aahhh, my night in shining armor). Not exactly the fairy tale ending. We were crushed (not literally, at least not yet). Eventually, the elephant got up and left.
We crawled out of our tent to view the destruction. What sounded like the herd of elephants was actually the gigantic tree in between our tents being pushed over onto Bob’s tent by the crazed elephant. The birthing noise was the sound of 700 pounds of grasses and leaves that an elephant consumes every day, returning to the earth. The other sounds were gases from the elephant. Apparently, when the elephant lies down the weight of its body puts tremendous pressure on all the other organs, hence, extreme gas. The huffing and puffing of the over protective male hippo was actually the elephant trying to keep insects out of its trunk. It is amazing what your mind comes up with in periods of high stress. More amazing, is what this elephant did to our campsite. I will never look at them the same again. I immediately bought some Ivory. Kidding…That is cruel and I dislike and disapprove of anyone who wears it.
Bob's version...
I had to pat myself on the back just a little. This was a well organized trip. Over a couple weeks we saw Victoria Falls while staying in modest accommodations in Livingstone. In the week ahead we would stay in comfortable lodging on the beaches of Zanzibar. In Kafue we got to see wildlife up close while sleeping amongst the deep roar of lions off in the distance. And we managed to do it all rather cheaply.
It’s considered tent camping but it’s equipped with normal twin beds, a night stand and a little rug. There were mosquito coils, water delivered and someone comes to turn down the sheets before bed. Not something that I normally would ask for but nice. Just outside the tent is a private fire pit, which was already started when we returned from dinner on the night of December 23rd. We sat by the fire a little while and saw more stars in the sky than any of us had ever noticed before. But after a short time, we decided to head into the tents.
“Hey Bob, there’s an elephant outside the tent”. Not words that I ever wanted to be woken up to at 1:30 am. And by outside the tent, Kevin meant literally a few feet from his head. I coincidentally watched Jurassic Park a few days prior and each step sounded like a Hollywood sound effect. There were twigs and small branches breaking under the elephants feet and even more branches were being torn from a tree. I could hear the elephant’s trunk grabbing at branches and then the tree would snap back into place. In the most heterosexual way possible, I told Kevin he should probably come over to my bed. In hindsight it sounds funny, but the elephant was just a few steps from trampling our tent.
Then there was a crashing noise just outside the tent. We could tell that a big tree had just fallen and could only assume that it was the work of our new "friend". It was so dark that we couldn’t see what was going on for sure but the crashing noise confirmed the size of this thing. Neither of us wanted to look out at the beast and there was no chance of us shining a flashlight on it. So the waiting game began. I started to feel cold, a little scared, but at the same time wanted to laugh. The elephant just wanted to go to the bathroom. (This is where it gets a little disgusting but bear with me.) It was the deepest farting noise you’ve ever heard. And when the …stuff hit the ground, I swear we could feel it. It was that heavy. By now it is about 2:30am
There were two visible lights. One was from Michelle and Ty’s tent. It was eerily blocked for seconds at a time by Babaar (which Michelle has since named him). The other faint light was coming from the campfire directly in front of our tent, but it was obscured. It was now covered by the tree that had fallen. If a 6 ton elephant isn’t bad enough, throw a burning tree into the equation. We hadn’t heard anything for a short time and thought we should see about leaving the tent to remove the tree from the fire…and to go to the bathroom ourselves. We didn’t venture far and it was a good thing. Through the darkness we both saw how big the elephant really was. Kevin also witnessed my cat-like reflexes as I shoved my way back into the tent first.
The pooping eventually stopped but the farting continued. We sat awake for approximately two more hours listening to what sounded like labored breathing. We were both fairly certain that it was asleep but figured it was standing (elephants sleep standing up right? No). We got our first real glimpse when the sun started to come up around 5:30am. It was laying down, passed out. We had a good glimpse at its hind side while its head must have been just at the entrance to Michelle’s tent. Knowing that it was laying down gave us new confidence. We got up and took some pictures and thought we should head back to the main lodge.
We jumped in a safari vehicle with one of the guides and headed back for the tents. When we arrived the elephant was standing right next to Michelle’s tent. As it enjoyed breakfast we could see how big it really was. The branches being pulled down were far from the ground…it’s hard to guess what the trunk-span is on an animal like that.
It was "head and shoulders" taller than the lip of the thatched roof, which we barely had to duck under to enter the tent. We pointed out the tent that Michelle was in but there wasn’t any thing else we could do. With the vehicle there, we were blocking it’s way back into the park (the other option was into the river). When we finally made it back to the site at 7am the elephant was gone but it had left its mark. The extent of the mess can't be described. We could see where its feet left an indentation in the ground as it gathered leverage to push the tree over. We found Michelle and Ty safe and sound...but a little upset with us. They'd been awake for the whole night but uniquely had a different take on the event.
posted by Michelle and Bob - Zambia @ 5:30 PM
1 Comments:
At 9:28 PM,
Anonymous said…
I distinctly remember the calf birthing process and, I believe, Kevin was the one with his whole right side in the cow's business during my time as well. Thank goodness I've forgotten the afterbirth and anything about the way it sounded... Apparently the O.H. Keeling grandchildren all have similar stories to share. Some sort of family induction process no doubt.
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